Ben, Becky, Brad, Ross, and Ellie Cheever

20 Weeks Too Soon

2012-01-17T21:31:00.002-07:00

My dearest Ava,

You were born 20 weeks too soon. The 20 weeks that you grew inside me wasn't enough time. We grew and bonded. I loved you so much. I loved feeling you kick and watching your dad poke around my belly in order to feel you kick. You gave me such a cute belly. But alas, you weren't meant to endure this life on earth. At times it seems so unfair that you returned to heaven so suddenly. It makes me wonder what life would be like with you here. You would be 2 now...walking, talking and definitely causing havoc. Would you look like Brad or Ross? I guess I imagine you looking more like Brad. We miss you so much! I hope you look down on us all the time. I constantly think of you. Although, a lot of people think you are playing with other little babies up there, I guess I just imagine you in the arms of your Great Grandma Maureen. She was truly one of the greatest women I have ever known. We can't wait to see you again. Although we will have eternity together, these next 60 years will feel like eternity without you. I know you are probably up there telling me to not worry or be sad about you, but I just can't help it. Those 20 weeks I had you were amazing. I am looking forward to the rest!

Love,

Mom

Ellie's Birthday and Such

2012-01-11T20:22:00.010-07:00

My baby girl turned 1 on Jan. 3. What a big girl she is getting to be! We had a little birthday party for her just at our house on her birthday day. Then had a bigger party for her on the Saturday after her birthday. Here are some pictures from our home birthday party. Notice how the boys love feeding her My Little Pony doll.

Her birthday party on Saturday was well attended! We had it at the church down the street from our house. We had some food, chatted, had cupcakes, and opened presents. The kids were allowed to run all over the church except for the chapel. They had so much fun with no work required! Gotta love that part. Please take note of the big red tutu that is ever so adoreable (Thank you, Aunt Kathy!).

We have had a remarkably warm December and January so far. Here is Ben taking the kids to the park one day.

The boys love Ellie's toys. She got a tea set for Christmas and also a princess table and chairs. The boys love having tea parties more than Ellie as of right now.

Here is Ellie in her destructive self:

Here is a picture of our new car, for those asking to see it. It is the 2012 Nissan Altima.

Finally, Ross's favoritest song right now is LMFAO's 'I'm Sexy and I Know It". We watch the video on youtube where the singer dances in his underwear. So whenever Ross hears the song, his clothes come off and he starts dancing! He cracks me up.

Ellie has enough hair for pig tails! YAY!

My Wishlist

2012-01-05T11:53:00.002-07:00

I wish my best friend lived next door to me instead of 45 miles away.
I wish I had any family at all closer than 45 miles away.
I wish my parents or siblings lived A LOT closer.
I wish I had more really good friends.
I wish people understood me or even wanted to understand me.
I wish I let more people into my life.
I wish I had all the happiness in the world.
I wish my angel baby lived with me instead of in heaven.
I wish to live just about anywhere but here.
I wish my house was huge and fancy.
I wish I had the perfect children.
I wish I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
I wish I could forgive and forget more easily.
I wish my life was perfect.

Apparently, I need to find 4 or 5 genies in a bottle. Anyone willing to give me theirs?

Swag Bucks

2011-12-30T11:54:00.002-07:00

I had heard the name used every now and then on websites that I visited to find out about really good grocery deals. I investigated it and then ran it by Ben. Because I can never install anything on the computer without his permission. He researched it and found it was legit! Anyway, you earn swag bucks by installing a toolbar and using it as your search engine. You earn swag bucks (or points) and then you can spend those points on various prizes. So far I have earned almost 500 points in the last couple weeks. I redeemed 450 points for a $5 Amazon.com gift card. I am hoping to earn enough $5 gift cards to pay for an extra nice Christmas present for the family next year. Anyway, you earn a lot of swag points for referring other people. If you are interested in signing up, please use my referral link. It's really nice to earn points you can redeem for gift cards for doing things like searching the internet like you always do anyway.
http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/beckyboop13

November 2011

2011-12-01T10:29:00.008-07:00

I've been torn about this Thanksgiving holiday season. Usually people are in a great and thankful mood. I guess I was thoroughly disappointed in some people I know and others throughout the country. With that being said, I am so thankful for my family here on earth and in heaven. I am thankful for my wonderful husband that provides for us and loves us all so dearly. I am thankful for my children and the wonderful blessings that they are to our family. I am thankful for my friends and extended family. I am thankful for my beautiful home and the luxuries I have. I am thankful to live in a free land with freedoms to do what I wish. I am very thankful for my Savior and his atonement. I am thankful for eternal families and the opportunity to see Ava and my family again.

We went to St. George after Black Friday shopping. The kids were thoroughly exicted to climb the red rocks and play air hockey.

We went and saw Santa at the mall. This year I decided to splurge and pay to get pictures taken. Well, they had mega computer problems right after they took our picture. So they gave us the package for free: 5x7 and put it online to print whatever picture we want. There's almost nothing better than free!!

We also met up with my amazing friend Betsy at the mall. We got to catch up and let all our kids play. I wish there was more time in my life to just meet up and play with my friends all the time!

Here are the random pics.

Falling Leaves

2011-11-12T11:28:00.004-07:00

I usually love my big mature trees. However, I hate them during Spring and Fall. In Spring, my biggest tree drops thousands of little seeds and little trees try to pop up all over my yard (front and back). In the Fall, there are SOOO many leaves to clean up. We are supposed to get a lot of snow this weekend, so Ben and the boys headed out right away to get the leaves raked. Brad and Ross took turns raking and sweeping the leaves off the deck and stairs. They did a great job. Of course they jumped in the pile many, many times (which made a lot more work for Ben) and loved it. Here are a couple pictures (and one random one of Ellie).

Hooray for Snow, I guess

2011-11-05T16:47:00.004-06:00

We got a lot of snow overnight. It was probably 3-4 inches. So of course we went out to build snowmen. We built an adult and a baby.

Now, snow is alright. I'm just glad I didn't have to drive in it. I would totally be ok if it didn't snow anymore the rest of fall or winter. Sadly, I know this will never happen. So we make the best of it. It is supposed to snow more today and tomorrow and Monday. I promised the kids we would go sledding one of those days. It is so much work to get 4 people ready to go outside in the snow.

October 2011

2011-11-02T14:40:00.009-06:00

Brad has started piano lessons and loves them so far. Ross and Ellie like to play, too. Although, neither actually get lessons like Brad.

Ellie pulls herself up to standing on just about anything and walks along the furniture. She'll be 10 months old tomorrow!

Doug's Chili Party is always a hit. Here are some photos of the fun.

Halloween went well, too. Brad and Ross wanted to reuse their costumes again this year. I swear it was their idea. So we only had to buy Ellie a costume. She was this cute little pink leopard/cat thing. She didn't need a costume to be cute! hehe We carved pumpkins this year, too. The boys got a little more creative with them this year.

Other than that, we are enjoying life. I am working on some crafts for the kids for Christmas this year, so hopefully I have enough time to do them and they turn out well.

Brad pulled out his 5th tooth. I really worked hard pushing that tooth back (and Brad screaming at the top of his lungs). He kept coming back. It was almost nice inflicting pain on my child when he was practically begging for it. You don't get that opportunity very often.

This last picture is just proof that Ben knows how to wash the dog.

Cousins Visit through Ross's Birthday

2011-09-30T14:52:00.008-06:00

In August, we were lucky enough to have my brother, his wife, and their 3 kids come stay at our house for a few days. Ross and Sadie were like best friends. Ross still insists that Sadie is coming to our house next week. (And even when next week comes, she is still coming next week. Maybe more like a year, buddy!) We really enjoyed having them. One fun thing we did was go to the splash park in Spanish Fork. It's not the best splash park I've ever seen, but, hey, it was free.

Ross started preschool in September. He was so excited to go. I have to pay to take him since he is not a special needs student. The special needs students get to ride the bus. I have to drive him, then wait for the bus to get there so Ross can walk in with all the kids. While we are waiting, he is still so excited. Then the bus arrived and his teacher walked out with a special rope for them all to hold. I walked Ross up there. His enthusiasm went right out the door. Suddenly he decided to play dead fish. I figured my presence wasn't helping, so I stepped back in order to let his teacher deal with it (figuring she would have to deal with it in the classroom if it persisted). So here Ross is as the line leader with his teacher pretty much carrying him in.

After Ross started school, I took a trip with Ellie to go to my cousins wedding in Minnesota. We flew out to Chicago so we could spend an extra couple days with my parents, and drove up to the wedding with them. Ellie was surprisingly very good for how much sitting and such she had to do. Sorry I don't have any pictures. I forgot my camera. Bummer!

Ross had his fourth birthday while I was gone, so we celebrated it when I returned. He got a new bike for his birthday, some Star Wars guys, Phineas and Ferb pjs, and airplanes. I love the picture of Ellie touching Ross's bike. He notices, so he pulls his bike away. The expression on his face was like, "Don't touch my bike!!!" She is 8 months old. Give her a break, kid. hehe Then we took the whole family to Jumpin' Jacks. They have bounce houses and such there. Ellie hated going down the slide with Daddy. The boys loved it. Brad spent a lot of time following around an older girl. Should we be worried that he tends to gravitate to older girls? Only time will tell I guess.

Ellie will be 9 months old in a couple days. She can self-feed (food and a bottle), she has no teeth, crawls, sits up from laying down, is starting to pull herself up, and of course is starting to get into trouble (see the cute pics below).
Here are some random (and cute) photos:

Infomercials

2011-08-25T09:21:00.002-06:00

Brad may make a good salesman someday. He watches infomercials and repeats back all the salesman jargon to us. For instance, there is some product out there that is like a lunch box, but you put in in the freezer and it should stay cold for 10 hours. So the other day Ben was putting his lunch together in his lunch box with some freezer packs. Brad says, "Dad, do you know that freezer packs get warm after only 2 hours? You need to get a "Pack It" (I think that is what it is called). It will keep your lunch refrigerator fresh for up to 10 hours!" He's too funny.

Brad's B-day Through the First Day of School

2011-08-23T16:23:00.012-06:00

Brad had a big birthday party this year. Similar to last year, we decided to do a water party (kiddie pool, slip n slide, etc...). We invited somewhere around 13 kids and lots of family members, thinking maybe 5 at the most would come, but all but 1 came. So needless to say, things were insane! Brad got a lot of cool presents from his friends and family and had so much fun.

Towards the end of July, we flew out to see my parents in Chicago. We had a great time. We went the a really fun children's museum, fishing, Chuck E Cheese, swimming and Slip n Sliding at my mom's, swimming at a really cool pool with a beach, playing Wii, riding the tractor (aka riding lawn mower), etc... The kids both say, "I can't wait until we go to see Grandma and Grandpa next year." Well, maybe if we can save up the $1200 to go, but somehow I think it won't be for a couple years. The most memorable part of the trip was Brad throwing a fit (screaming and crying). Ben put him upstairs and told him that no one wanted to hear the screaming anymore and that he could come down when he was done. My parents have an intercom speaker system throughout the house in every room. So when Ben gets back downstairs, Brad pushes the button and continues to cry and scream into the intercom. I'm sure he was thinking, "I'll show you!" It was actually really funny, but don't tell him that!

Last weekend we went to the demolition derby at the Utah County Fair. We took the kids, and of course it was a blast (as you can see below from Brad's face). Ross loved it for the first 2 hours, then got really tired. They both can't wait to go next year.

A couple weekends ago I got really sick in the middle of the night. When I was done with one of my bathroom episodes, I washed my hands then went to turn out the light. Apparently, I passed out. Ben awoke when he heard me fall and hit something. He came in the bathroom, saw me, and thought I was dead. I had smashed my head into the tub. We found someone to sit with the kids while they slept, then Ben took me to the ER. After 5 staples in my head and a broken tub, all is well.

We celebrated Ben's 30th birthday with a little party last Friday (emphasis on little). He invited lots of people and 3 showed up. Bummer, dude. Oh well, it was still fun.

Brad got glasses this summer and started first grade yesterday. He loves it. Although, I've really only heard about lunch and recess. His teacher is fresh out of college this year. She seems really nice, and we hope she does really well.

If any of you are still reading this, one of the most important things that happened this summer is that I quit my job. It was hard leaving my job, but it was time to stay home with the kids. It has only been 2 days so far of being a stay at home mom, but I feel so good about my decision.
Enjoy the other random photos:

Fourth of July

2011-07-06T15:25:00.008-06:00

Before I tell you about our exciting fourth of July, I'll tell you about some things that happened before that. In June, we had dinner with George and Susan in Farmington. After dinner, we took the kids over to feed the ducks. Little did I know they had ducks and geese that would eat right out of your hand. The boys were a little scared at first, but then loved it.
Brad feeding geese

Ross feeding the geese

Also in June, we went to my cousin Caryn's daughter's first birthday party. Her name is Morgyn, and she is a cutie! My uncle Kent and aunt Tina were there too. I love it when I get to see family I haven't seen in forever! It was so good to talk with everyone, and the boys had lots of fun too.
Morgyn and Spencer

Me

Uncle Kent and Ellie

Brad and Ellie

Aunt Tina and Ellie

Caryn and me

The kids

Alright, now on to July 4th. We went to Vegas for the weekend. It was so much fun to get away from the daily life and daily routine. We stayed at the Hampton Inn near the airport. It was nice not to be right on the strip. Plus the free breakfast made the hotel stay like almost free. We got there Friday night. On Saturday, we went to the lion habitat at the MGM. It was lame since the lions were just laying there sleeping. Then we went to M&M world. The kids liked it, but weren't too sure what to think of everything M&M. We did let them get a little something there. They wanted this little container of different colored M&Ms. It had at most 1 pound of M&Ms in it. Well $16 later, we had some M&Ms. Ben swears they different colors taste different. We did a taste test for him (2 of one flavor and a 3rd different), and he couldn't pick out the different one. hehe
Ross

Ben, Me and the boys

Dad and the kids

Me and the kids

We saw Tom & Jerry on the way back to the car:

After that short time on the Strip, we headed to the Children's Museum. Wow, the kids LOVED it. When they were closing, we had to bribe them with candy to leave. They had like a little minature city where they could earn money, withdraw it from the ATM, buy groceries (or act like the cashier), etc... They had like a little mini airport (with a pretend security line). Ross loved dragging the luggage through security and on to the plane. You could make giant bubbles bigger than me, play dress up and put on a play on a real stage, record a song in a recording studio, wind tunnel, etc, etc, etc... Brad's favority was this green screen you could stand in front of and it put you in a video game where you were playing sports.
Ross on the boat fishing

Brad as the cashier

Boys in front of the green screen (sorry for the blur)

Brad fixing the car

Me and Ellie

Ben and Ellie

After the museum, we went to the pool for a little bit. The next day we went to Circus Circus. We walked around the Adventuredome, but didn't let the kids do anything (I know I'm a mean mom). I wanted to see what we could do for free first! hehe We went and saw a free circus act, then walked around the arcade. We went to the outdoor mall for a few minutes, but it was WAY too hot and miserable. We went to 1 store and got some ice cream and left. We were going to go back to the hotel to swim, but then there was a flash flood thunderstorm. So we ordered pizza and ate it in the hotel room. Ben took the boys out for ice cream afterwards.
Boys with a pirate

We left the next day and stopped in St. George to see George and Susan. They watched the kids for a little bit, so we could go to lunch and Old Navy. It was nice to be alone, but I wasn't feeling well (maybe food poisoning). We headed back to Payson then. I really can't believe how good the kids were during the long car ride and dragging them all over Vegas (especially Ellie). We did figure out that if we put Brad in the way back and Ross up by Ellie, the fighting was almost non-existant.

We have other fun things planned this summer. We will be going to Chicago this summer and to a demolition derby in Spanish Fork. I'm super excited for both!

As if you didn't see enough pictures, here are some random ones:
Ellie got a purse from Aunt Tina. She looked too cute holding it up.

Ellie uses her feet when she can't reach things.

Ellie just looking cute!

Kindergarten Graduation and more

2011-05-31T17:41:00.007-06:00

Brad graduated kindergarten on May 19. Oh glorious day!!! I have to say that kindergarten was pretty lame. He went for 2-2.5 hours a day (one day a week of early out) and would come home with a good solid hour of homework. Which if I was a stay home mom, it may not be so bad. It was hard juggling work and homework and rushing to get them in bed on time. Well, it was more than hard. It was just plain torture! I'm glad I have another 2 full years before I have to do that with Ross. They had a big graduation. They had a program where they sang songs and told jokes. It was cute. They all got a certificate and shook the principal's hand. After the program, we went back to his room and took pictures and gathered his belongings.

Here Brad is in the middle in the white shirt and tie in the bottom row:

Here he is with his teacher, Mrs. Davis:

Here he is with his friend, Taylor:

Last day of kindergarten, pics with family:

We are trying to get out of the house more, since there can be good days amongst all the rain and cold. We went and fed the ducks one day after church:

We went bowling on Memorial weekend.

I am trying to be a better crafty, do it yourself kind of mom. I did make this rainbow skittles cake for Brad's graduation (I got the idea from my friend Rachel's blog. She is so amazing and creative!). I think I might open my sewing machine box for the first time ever and sew something. I am almost done cross-stitching the quilt I made for Ellie (pics to come when it is done).

Ellie will be 5 months old on June 3. She loves eating her baby cereal. We recently gave her squash. She always loves the first few bites, then doesn't know what to think. Ben fed her this feeding of squash (hence why it is all over the place). She also LOVES bath time. She didn't like the infant tub, but really likes the big tub. Time seems to be going by so fast with her. It is hard to believe she is almost half a year old.

Teaching Violin and Piano Lessons in Payson

2011-05-23T09:30:00.002-06:00

Now that life is starting to get back to normal, I have decided to start teaching piano and violin lessons. I am really excited about it. I figure it is a good way to keep up my talent and help others develop theirs. It is hard to believe that I have been playing the piano for 22 years now and the violin for 20 years. Man, that makes me feel old! If you are interested or know anyone who is interested, please contact me. Thanks!

Ellie's Blessing, Easter and Everything in Between

2011-04-26T14:04:00.011-06:00

Ellie's blessing was on Sunday, April 10. It was wonderful. Ben gave her an amazing blessing. This was our first child he ever got a chance to bless. It was a great experience. Afterward we had a party at our house. We had lots of relatives and friends come. Here are a few pictures of the event:
Here are the boys helping Grandma Sandy make cookies for the party.

Ross holding Ellie

Ross and his cousin Dylan (Despite his look, he really does like Dylan)

Becky, Great Grandma Velda and Ellie

Grandma Susan, Grandpa George, and Ellie

Ben, Becky and Ellie

Aunt Kathy, Karen and Ellie

Cousin Kaitlin and Ellie

Grandpa Brian, Great Grandma Velda, and Ellie

The Family

Ellie

Cousin Chelsea and Ellie

Brad, Great Grandma Velda, and Ellie

Brad holding Ellie

For Easter weekend, we drove down to St. George to spend some time with Ben's mom, step-dad, and step-grandma. We had a good time. We went to an Easter egg hunt at their local park on Saturday. We arrived too early, so the kids played at the park for a little while. They did a good job of breaking up the ages. Ben watched Brad while I helped Ross. Ross stayed around the edge and almost completely filled his basket. Everyone else was running for the middle. Smart kid.
Becky and Ellie at the park

Brad at the park

Ben and Ellie at the park

Ross with his basket of candy

Then we went on a picnic up at the Red Cliffs. The boys (especially Ross) loved hiking and walking around the rocks. George led us all over the place. It was a lot of fun. I made the comment to Ben that I think the boys had just as much fun there as they would have at Disneyland.
Ben, Becky, Brad and Ross

Grandma Susan and Ellie

Grandma Susan, Brad and Ross

Ross eating his snack on the rocks

Ben, Becky, Brad and Ross

Ellie

Brad and Ross

Brad and Ross

That night Brad helped die Easter eggs. Since the boys had enough candy alread, the Easter bunny only hid the hard boiled eggs. The Easter bunny left a note for the boys saying he left them a special gift at our house in Payson and that Ellie's gift was coming in the mail. The boys's gift was a Little Tykes adjustable basketball hoop. They are so excited. Ellie got a Baby Signing Times DVD. The Easter bunny just knew we wanted to teach Ellie some sign language. :)
Brad and Ross with the eggs they found

As if there weren't enough pictures, here are a few more random ones. Enjoy!!
Great Grandma Ann

Ellie's second favorite way to sleep (you gotta have the arm over your eyes!)

Ellie

Ellie during tummy time

Grandpa Brian has the magic touch to put Ellie to sleep

The Family

Becky and Ellie

Remembering Ava Through Ellie

2011-04-21T15:16:00.002-06:00

I find myself really emotional lately, remembering Ava. A lot of time I look at Ellie and wonder what Ava would have been like. Whose hair color and eye color would she have had? Would she smile just like Ellie does? Whose personality would hers have been like? Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if Ellie was a boy. Maybe I wouldn't think of comparing them so much. Of course, I wouldn't trade her for the world. For a few months I was able to talk about Ava without crying. Now I am back to crying almost every time I talk about her. I'm sure it is still all part of the grieving process. Also, when I was at the hospital with Ellie for RSV, a really insensitive doctor made a comment of "You should be grateful you aren't the mom of the baby that came in the ER." I had heard the call come over the intercom that a 5 month old baby had some serious trama. I can only assume the baby either died or was in very critical condition. Anyway, that comment has really hit me hard. It is never something I would ever say to anyone else. It makes me think things like, "What I wouldn't give to have seen Ava smile at me, stare into my eyes, etc... for 5 months?" I try to keep those comments and thoughts to myself. It's not fair to throw it into someone else's face. So those thoughts creep into my mind when Ellie babbles and smiles at me.

Nearing 30

2011-04-05T14:38:00.003-06:00

I still have 9 months until I turn 30, but I hate to say that I have been thinking about it everyday and dreading it. I still feel young. I think mostly the part that I hate is that now I can say I'm in my 20's which makes me feel young. When I turn 30, I have to say I'm in my 30's which lumps me together with women who are 39. (Not that there is anything wrong with being 39). As a teenager, I didn't want to live past 40. From a teenagers point of view, what is there to do or live for after that? Well as I near 30, I realize that man is there a lot of life left in me. I don't want to turn 30, and I also don't want to be one of those ladies that claims to be 29 at 50. I also wonder if I'll be one of those people where even if I am 30, they'll think I'm in my 20's. I guess that would give me at least some satisfaction, and I wouldn't feel so old then...maybe.

Oh, and I just found my first gray hair. :(

How Time Flies

2011-03-28T14:44:00.007-06:00

I know it has been forever since I posted. I've been so super busy working full-time from home with a newborn. I am back to work part-time at work and part-time at home. It is working well for now, but things are still super crazy Monday through Thursday. The kids are enjoying daycare (especially Ross). Ellie is doing well now. She'll be 3 months old this coming Sunday. She was hospitalized for 5 days earlier this month with RSV. That is some scary stuff. We are blessing her on Sunday, April 10, which should be very exciting. Brad lost his third tooth recently. He is sounding pretty whistley when he talks sometimes. He also got 5 stitches 2 Sundays ago. He was singing the Hinges song in Primary. When he was doing his front hinges, he clunked his head on the chair in front of him. I was amazed that he didn't cry or whine while getting his stitches. He is my sensitive one that will cry over spilled milk, so it was pretty amazing to me. He got the stitches out on Friday, and seems to be doing well. Now for the pictures (the best parts of blogs, right?!).

Here is a nice picture of Ellie and the boys. It seems like Ellie is saying, "Get me away from these boys!"

Here is a picture of Brad and his stitches and 3 missing teeth:

Here are some random pictures of Ellie:

Here is me with all the kids (end of January):

Here is Brad playing Leapster and Ross watching. Ross is never satisfied just sitting next to him.

Here is my mom (Grandma Sandy) with the kids:

Here is Ben's mom (Grandma Susan) with Ellie:

Pics of Ellie

2011-01-17T11:38:00.002-07:00

So my little Ellie is 2 weeks old today. She is by far the best baby I've had. I thought the boys were good babies. She gets up only 2 or 3 times in a night right now and goes right back to sleep. Her daddy just adores her as do her brothers. Here are a few pics of her:

Let's ring in the new year and welcome another baby to the family as well!

2011-01-03T07:49:00.006-07:00

We are just so excited to let everybody know that our newest member of our family, Ellie Mae Cheever, is finally here! She came at 12:39 am this morning on January 3rd 2011.

We are so very excited to have her. She was born weighing 7 lbs and 14 ounces. She is also 19 and 1/2 inches tall.

We will try to add more pictures to follow later on. But for now, here is a couple pictures to suffice.

The boys are with a neighbor in the ward and are being well taken care of. I know that they are extremely happy to hear that the baby came last night as well.

Ellie Mae's pictures

Brad's Missing Tooth and 35 Weeks

2010-12-06T10:55:00.002-07:00

Brad lost his first tooth last Friday. It was really loose all week. Then my mom came into town on Friday. She yanked it out for him. He was really excited! Here is he is with his missing tooth:

I am 35 weeks 2 days today. They have tentatively scheduled a c-section for January 4, 2011. That would leave me 4 weeks and 1 day or 29 days left. WOOHOO! I'm still trying to convince the doctors that December would be better, but having an end in sight is helping. We are expecting to have another big baby. When they measured my fundal height (top of the pubic bone to the top of the uterus) at my last appointment, I had jumped 5.5 cms when it should have only been 2cm. I am just going to prepare myself for a nice 12 pounder, I think. Ross was 10 lbs. 12 oz. and was taken 2 weeks early. I have been put back on modified bedrest, which is so much better than strict bedrest. I have weekly appointments now. Here is a picture of me today at 35 weeks 2 days:

Update on the gestational diabetes screening

2010-11-21T16:02:00.003-07:00

Becky got the results back on her second screening a while back. But we forgot to post an update. She passed the test for Gestational diabetes this time

She has decided this may just incentivize her to eat better anyways. She is going to start being a lot more careful what she eats this next month or so.

But she is now at 33 weekks, and what a great thing that is. What a blessing it has been to have all those that are close to us, praying for us. I am also grateful for every bit of help that we have had from family and close relatives as well as friends.

Without them, it is true, we probably couldn't have made it this far. Let's hope we can convince the doctor that Becky will be ready to deliver by 38 weeks. In the past, all our babies have still been rather large and healthy by this time. But this would make things tons easier on us as well.

32 Weeks and Ellie's Room

2010-11-18T15:04:00.007-07:00

As of today, I'm 32 weeks 5 days. Here is a pic of my huge baby bump:

I'm doing well. It has now been 2 weeks since I've been to the hospital last. I actually feel pretty stable. I still have contractions everyday, but they aren't getting any worse. Somedays, they actually are better. At 35 weeks, I will be moved to modified bedrest. Then at 36 weeks, I will stop my progesterone shots (to prevent preterm labor) and my Nifedipine (to relax the uterine muscles). Sometimes I feel like I could go the whole 39 weeks. But we'll have to see what happens around 36 weeks. The doctor will take the baby at 39 weeks if she isn't born before that. I'm trying my hardest to get him to take her at 38 weeks (in December instead of January). But whatever happens, happens. I'll take her in January, too, of course.

Ben has been doing awesome in getting Ellie's room all ready. We got her crib bedding washed and put on, her valence up, and the diaper/misc keeper on the changing table. The biggest feat was changing her room from blue (it was Brad's room before) to a pale yellow. Brad was really sad when we painted over the blue. But I had to explain to him that Ellie would like yellow better. He likes it now, but still misses the blue. We definitely still need stuff for her. We got out all our unisex clothes from the boys. I had lots of that, but I still need some pink and purple things and definitely some dresses. I have none of those. It's hard being on bedrest, because it usually isn't worth it to buy baby clothes online and have to pay all that shipping. Oh well. I'm sure we'll eventually get her some girly things. Here are some pics of her room:

We are so very thankful for all our friends, family, and ward members helping with the boys and meals. I really think it would have been impossible to get Ellie here without the help.

28 Weeks

2010-10-20T11:54:00.004-06:00

I've made it to the third trimester! Yay, Ellie has a 90% chance of survival if born now. I went to the hospital the Saturday after my last post with contractions in my back and abdomen and pressure. They gave me a shot of trebuteline to stop the contractions and monitored me for a couple hours. Then sent me home. The doctor upped my medication to every 4 hours instead of 6. I went a week with only a couple crampings a day. Now, I am back to having a lot everyday. I failed my 1 hour glucose test this week and get to do the 3 hour test tomorrow. I had gestational diabetes with Brad, so I know what to expect. I was just hoping not to have one more thing go wrong this pregnancy. I go back to my doctor again on Thursday, so we'll see what he says about the increase of cramping. Here is a pic of me I took today at 28 weeks 4 days pregnant.

Pregnancy Update

2010-10-08T12:19:00.004-06:00

First, here is how my last appointment with the perinatologist went (Sept. 30). He said my cervix had shortened another 3mm, but considered me relatively stable. He said since I am/have done all the preventative things (cerclage, p17 shots, and steriod shots), he doesn't need to see me anymore. We just wait until I have regular contractions, bleeding, or my water breaks. I am really emotional about this. I guess it made me feel better to get checked by a specialist. Now, even though I see my OB, I feel so alone in this. I'm all sorts of emotional. I haven't been as strict with my bedrest as I should, and have been having a a lot more contractions a day (20-40/day). Thank goodness they aren't regular.

I saw my OB on Wednesday. After telling him about the contractions, he put me on a medication to call the uterine muscle. It's been helping. I still feel like cramping every now and again. But as the medicine starts wearing off (like an hour before I take another one), I start feeling more and more contractions. It's way better than feeling 40 contractions, though. The only problem is that I have to take this every 6 hours, whether I'm sleeping or not. So I have 2 alarms on my alarm clock and 2 alarms on my phone to remind me to take a pill. Annoying!

I am really struggling with bedrest. Assuming I am still pregnant, I want to cry when I think about missing all the awesome holidays with my kids. I want to see them trick-or-treating in their costumes or pass out candy to the neighbor kids. I actually want to go to my in-laws's houses for Thanksgiving and then still cook my family another Thanksgiving meal. I want to go Christmas shopping and wrap all the presents and see the kids sit on Santa's lap. I want to bring out all the hidden gifts and put them under the tree. I don't want to be laying in my bed missing out on all the good stuff. Along with all the good stuff, I want to be up and cleaning my house, playing with my kids, picking them up and giving them huge hugs, etc... My sister-in-law keeps saying it is a short amount of time in the long run. Yes, I realize that 4-5 months isn't long when I've been alive for 28 years. But it is getting really old, and I HATE IT! *sigh*

I do appreciate all the help I have received from friends and family. It really does help!

Another Not So Good News Post

2010-09-18T09:19:00.005-06:00

I went to the perinatologist again on Thursday. I have been having a lot of pain in my cervix area and light contractions that were getting more frequent (still not super painful) everyday. Some good news is that the baby looks perfectly healthy on the ultrasound. However, she is head down and really low. My cervix does not look good (the doctor's exact words, but with little explanation as to why). I have been put on complete bedrest. The doctor says she knows this baby is coming early. They gave me the Group B Strep test and the steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop. The good news is that the doctor changed my due date back to Jan. 8 (from the 15th), so I have officially reached the point where they will start trying to save my baby when she is born. Thank goodness my mom is here right now, taking care of me, my kids, the house, etc... I think the complete bedrest is helping. I still have contractions everyday, but they aren't getting worse. I am so thankful that I have made it this far in my pregnancy. Hopefully, all of our prayers and the prayers of many will help us be able to bring home this healthy baby girl. Here is a pic of me at 24 weeks today:

A Picture Post - Finally!

2010-09-17T15:30:00.006-06:00

Here is a very quick breakdown of our summer (with pictures).

Brad turned 5 in July and had a wonderful and fun Star Wars birthday party.

Ben and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary in July.

Ben's brother Matt and his family came to visit. We went camping with George and Susan for a couple nights, the Dinosaur Park in Ogden, a family dinner at Doug's, a trip to Kennecott and a splash park. (BTW Sorry I was such a pill the last day they were here. I was really sick, pregnant, and VERY hormonal.) We had a great time with Matt and Danae and their family. We wished they lived closer, so we could see them more!

Ben took the kids to a carnival in Payson. You know that was a big hit. We took them to a carnival in Spanish Fork in July, too.

Ben took the kids up to Farmington to have a pool party with his family.

We have a new addition to our family. Lily! A 3-year-old Chihuahua mix. She is a great dog! The boys are helping to put her doghouse together, too.

Here are the boys with me as I am on bedrest.

Brad started kindergarten. The first picture is of his classroom a few days before school. The following pictures are of the first day he left for school (and surprisingly I didn't cry!) He rides the bus and just loves that, too.

Ross had a birthday on Sunday turning the big 3. Here is one of his gifts. He is having his party this Saturday at Pirate Island. Unfortunately, I can't go. But I'm sure he'll love it. He will get the rest of his presents that day.

Here are the boys playing Carwash with my mom. They get to wash down some of their outside play things.

Update on the pregnancy

2010-09-11T21:51:00.005-06:00

Sorry, I know that it's been a while since we posted about things last. I just wanted to give everybody an update so that everybody knows where things stand now.

Becky is still on bed rest, she has a follow-up appointment this week on Thursday the 16th of September. During this appointment they will be doing another ultrasound to check for cervical length again. They will also probably determine whether she is ready to go back to work or not.

Becky has recovered from the cerclage procedure part well enough. However, she has been going in for her weekly progesterone shots still (this is to help keep her from having contractions and going into labor). A little over a week ago, Becky was concerned about how her cervix was doing. So she had them do another ultrasound. They were able to find that the cervix is still at 1 1/2 cm long. Which means it isn't getting any worse now (as of yet that is). She still has a ways to go with this pregnancy here before we can stop worrying as much about what happens with the baby. But at least we are making headway.

Thank you for all the kinds words of support. We have had lots of people in our ward helping out with watching the children (even if it's just for a few hours during the afternoons or whatever). We have also had lots of people bringing us meals and stuff. That makes things a lot easier with me commuting two hours for work a day now and everything.

I hope we can go another month at least, then I will start feeling a lot better about where things are at. But it's good to know she is doing okay still. Let's hope and pray that things can stay that way for a while longer at least.

I am still looking forward to the day when I will be able to hold my new baby girl. Let's hope it's not too soon just yet though...

Emergency cerclage

2010-08-19T15:39:00.004-06:00

So Becky and I were going in for her another bi-weekly ultrasound. Everything felt as normal during the ultrasound. They looked at the baby's length, her brain, her hands, her feet, everything looks great. She is just the right size and developing well. The last thing they wanted to do once the doctor came in to speak to us was an transvaginal ultrasound to check for cervical length. Just two weeks ago, everything was normal and the cervix was 3cm long. However, this time, even when they first started during the ultrasound things just didn't look the same.

She is down to about 11/2 cm long (in the still closed portion of the cervix) and she is funneling and that is a couple cm's across. This means the baby is highly likely to come out too premature.

The doctor she was seeing this time at the perinatoligist clinic suggested we get in touch with Dr. Warner (her OBGYN). They talked things out and then told us that they wanted to do a cerclage to close up that "funneling" as much as they can. This will help ensure the baby stays in there fine till she is full term.

The doctor has ordered Becky not to be very active during this time and they want her to stay out of work for a month and then evaluate her after that.

I am waiting in the hospital room with Becky now, as she is preparing for same day surgery.

I will try to keep you all posted as things happen. But for now, we are asking that everybody pray's for Becky to be fine through the surgery and for everything to be okay with our baby daughter.

It's a GIRL!!

2010-07-20T16:54:00.001-06:00

One of my OBGYNs referred me back to the perinatologist for a consultation and ultrasound. The perinatologist came to the same conclusion as the last one I visited. She said I didn’t need a cerclage. Progesterone shots might help (couldn’t hurt) and bi-weekly ultrasounds for cervical length checks would be a good idea. I felt good about her conclusion. She said she was going to call my OBGYNs and send them a letter too. I guess if they don’t want to follow the perinatologists’s advice, I need to find new OBGYNs. Hopefully, they will be on board. I go to visit with my OBGYNs next Wednesday.

The ultrasound was awesome! The baby was hitting me and punching me. That little stinker! The baby wouldn’t turn so we could see the face. The ultrasound tech was pretty sure it was a girl. Although, she didn’t want to say 100% since I was only 14-15 weeks along. Every instinct I had said girl, so I wasn’t too surprised. We are so excited, though!

Update

2010-07-13T13:17:00.003-06:00

I know it has been forever since I posted. As the first trimester is coming to a close, I now have a little more energy. I used to fall asleep before the kids would. Poor Ben. We bought a doppler, and we listen to the baby about once a week as reassurance. So far, so good. I have an appointment on July 20 with a perinatologist for a consultation and cervical length check. My 2 OBGYNs want one more opinion, before we gang up and decide the best course of action for the rest of my pregnancy. We have prayed so much and still just don't quite know what to do. We will be taking a risk either way. I either do nothing besides more ultrasounds, which may or may not catch a problem in time, or get a cerclage as a preventative measure. Both options have risks. It is so hard to weigh them out and know which is right. I don't want to choose the wrong thing! It has been weighing heavily on my mind. After my appointment on the 20th, I have an appointment with my OBGYNs on July 28. We will all make the final decision that day. On a more positive note, when they check my cervical length via ultrasound next week, I plan on asking them if they can determine the sex of the baby. That would be awesome to know 5-6 weeks early. I think I'll be having at least bi-weekly if not weekly ultrasounds starting the 21st, so I'm not too worried about it being wrong at first. I'll let you all know what they say.

As for the rest of the family, Brad turned 5 on July 5. Wow, a big five year old. I am starting to feel a little old. He is so excited and loved the big water party and gifts he received. Star Wars is his obsession (for now). Ross loves it too. Some funny things Brad has been saying lately:

Me: (As I'm giving him hugs and kisses)Will there every come a time you will stop kissing me?
Brad: (In like a Duh, Mom kind of tone)Yeah, when I get a job.

Another time we were talking about getting baptized at 8 by Daddy:
Brad: Mom, will I get hair on my chin like Daddy when I turn 8.
Me: No, you'll be older than that.
Brad: Oh, yeah. I meant 28.

Ross is doing well. He is huge and talks a lot. He believes I have a baby in my belly this time and likes to show it love. They boys both believe the baby is a girl now. (Before Brad said boy and Ross said girl.) Let's hope it's a girl!

As for Ben, he's now working a rotating 4 10 schedule at least for the summer. So now most weeks, the boys are only in daycare for 3 days. It has really been helpful as we are potty training Ross. He is almost there. I'm about ready to go buy him some underwear (Star Wars of course).

We still haven't sold our house. We think maybe we'll just keep it and try to wait it out a little longer. Also, I still haven't figured out what to do with the kids this fall when Brad starts kindergarten. Kindergarten is only like 2 hours long. If I just ask a neighbor to watch him until I get home, she'll have him ALL day. I don't get home until 7pm. I thought about asking Chelsea to do it. But I want the boys to have a structured day with learning activities and healthy meals like they get at daycare. My kids are so smart and I attribute a lot of it to the daycare they are in. If I put Brad into school by his daycare (which is in Orem), none of his classmates would be close by. I feel like I would be depriving him of having schoolmates close to home. I wish I could stay home, but it just isn't in the cards for us right now. I looked a little bit for daycares in Payson, maybe I should look a little harder. Another problem is that my daycare is so cheap, it would be hard to find another that would accept the same amount of money ($2/hr per child). I really would love someone licensed by the state that lives in the boundaries of my elementary school. Why does life have to be so hard with such hard decisions to make? I feel like my prayers are rarely answered, so I tell Ben to pray. He seems to get more definitive answers. Anyway, I'm not depressed or anything. I just wish I had all the answers and knew the right decisions to make. Is that such a hard thing??? ;)

First Doctor Appointment

2010-06-03T13:01:00.003-06:00

I went to my first doctor appointment today. He did an ultrasound, and we got to see the baby. We could see the alien looking head, where the hands and feet are gonna be, and the heartbeat! Yay!! I was just hoping there would be a heart beat. We heard it too. This is all too real! Since I hadn't had a "regular" period before I got pregnant, the doctor changed my due date from Jan. 8 to Jan. 15 since the baby measured 1 week smaller. I really wanted a December baby, but at this point I'll just take a healthy baby even if it is in January.

We also devised a game plan for the rest of my pregnancy. I will have an ultrasound at 14 weeks to make sure the baby is growing and developing well. If all is well, we will do a cerclage at 15-16 weeks with bi-weekly ultrasounds. Then I'll have weekly progesterone shots starting at 17 weeks. I told the doctor we should plan on that, but both Ben and I felt we should pray about it too. Good thing fast Sunday is this Sunday. We just want to do whatever it takes to get a healthy full-term baby here.

Fun with Family

2010-06-02T15:36:00.005-06:00

We had a lot of fun while my family was in town. The boys LOVE Star Wars the Clone Wars (or Lego Star Wars). We already had lightsabers for them, but Uncle Chris and Auntie Mimi bought the boys trooper helmets. They think those are pretty cool. But watch out when they bust out the lightsabers! You're bound to get bonked in the head and other places. Ross is still learning.

Ben's brother Matt was in town, so we went up to Sunday dinner at Susan's house. Here are some pics from the afternoon. It was good spending time with everyone especially the one brother you rarely get to see.

We took at drive on the Mount Nebo Loop on Monday. It was beautiful scenery. However, about halfway through the loop, the road was closed. So we headed back down to Payson.

The boys love with my parents, brother, sister and brother-in-law come. Brent loved to tickle and play with the boys. The boys also go to go swimming and play at a really cool McDonald's PlayPlace. Brad played a ton of Wii with Uncle Chris. I'm sure Brad was in heaven. He doesn't get that much Wii normally. It was a great weekend with the family.

Temple Sealing

2010-06-02T15:08:00.004-06:00

Of course, it was the best day of our lives!! I thought our wedding day was amazing, but this was a million times better. We had gone to bed at about 1am and got up at 4:45am to get ready and go up to the temple. We had to be there at 7:30am. We arrived and dropped the kids off at the Youth Center. Ross was sad when we left. Then Ben and I went our separate ways to get ready for our endowment session. I loved the Iniatories (my favorite next to the sealing). The live session was interesting. There was a girl there that was getting her endowments to go on a mission. It was a rough endowment session for her. She started bleeding and got blood on her dress, so we stopped the session and waited for her to go get changed. After she got back a temple worker said one of her relatives had had a seizure down in the waiting room. The paramedics were working on her, but they thought she would be fine. I felt so bad for her, but because of all the delays, the actors had to speed up their lines. I got so confused about everything after that. I actually started crying really hard in the second to last room. There was just so much to rememeber that I felt beyond overwhelmed (which isn't a good thing when you are pregnant and emotional already). I cried so hard. People probably thought I was feeling the spirit, but I was just overwhelmed by what was happening. I definitely want to go again when things settle down. Then we had a little time to wait in the last room before the sealing began. I finally calmed down and felt more at peace.

The sealing was great and the sealer was amazing. When we walked in the room, it was filled with family, friends, and ward members. A lot of people mentioned how Ben wasn't smiling when he came in. He looked really serious. He didn't mean to be that way. The sealing was great between us, then they brought the boys in. They were looking around the room, very confused by what was going on. I have never seen their eyes so big. Finally, Ross starts in, "Mom? Mom? Mom?" He finally finds me, but continues on with the "Mom. Mom. Mom." throughout the entire sealing. Plus, he didn't want to hold Brad's hand very long. Susan, who sat in proxy for Ava, held their hands together. I also can't wait to go back and do more sealings, so I can hear those convenants and promises again. After that we went outside and took pictures. Ross wasn't too thrilled, so there are several pictures of him just sitting on the ground. The pictures below are ones my parents took with our camera. My neighbor took professional photos with her camera that she is still working on. I can't wait to see those.

The drive home was brutal. Being pregnant and fatigued is one thing, but pregnant and fatigued with 3.5 hours sleep is awful. I was biting myself to try to stay awake driving back. When we got home, we had a wonderful reception at our house. It was great to celebrate with so many people! After the party, we had to prepare talks for the next day in church about our temple experience, prepare our CTR 4 lesson, and I had to practice my violin for a piece I was playing in sacrament meeting the next day too. Another long night.

It was all worth it! It was the best day of our lives, and it really hit home that this is my family. Those are MY kids and MY husband forever.

Ava Wall Memorial

2010-06-02T15:03:00.005-06:00

This is the memorial I have on my wall for Ava. The first frame on the left is the "Footprints in the Sand" poem. My bishop read it at Ava's funeral. The next is a framed photo of Ava. Then on the shelf I have some memoriabilia. There is the statue of a mother holding a baby, some baby shoes my aunt bought for her, the blanket Ava was wrapped in at the hospital, a replica of the bear she was buried with, and the name tag they made for her at the hospital. It was a great healing process to put this up. Part of me worried putting it up. I thought people might not want to see her or think it weird. I got over it and just love it so much.

A Post with Pictures

2010-05-25T10:14:00.006-06:00

I know it has been awhile since I posted some pictures, so here is a quick update of some happenings with pictures.

Here is a random picture of the boys holding hands in the car. I'm not exactly sure when it was taken or why, but still very cute.

These pictures were taken before a Primary activity we were headed off to. Brad actually took the second picture of Ben and I by himself. He is actually getting pretty good at taking pictures with our camera. I'm very impressed for a 4-year-old.

Our oldest niece turned 18 in April. We went to her party and had a blast. The boys love visiting with our nieces. Brad took the picture of Ben and his mom. Here are a few pics from the party:

These are some pictures taken at Chris and Cindy's engagement party. Brad is very fond of his Uncle Nate! Everytime I tell him there will be a family gathering or party, he always asks if Uncle Nate will be there.

After church on Mother's Day, we headed up to Grandma Susan's house. The boys love playing outside there. The trampoline is definitely a big plus.

Finally, Ava's marker is finally in. They forgot to call us and tell us it was in. We found out by actually going by and visiting the grave. I just love the design and wanted you all to see it. I also put up a little memorial in our house for her (which I don't have a picture of right now). It has the Footprints in the Sand poem nicely framed (my big gift for Mother's Day), with a framed 8x10 retouched photo of her framed next to it. Next to that is a little shelf that hangs on the wall that I put a statue of a mother holding a baby, the blanket Ava was wrapped in after being born, some booties my Aunt bought her, and a copy of the teddy bear she was buried with. It helps with the healing. I hope people love it as much as I do. Hopefully, I'll get a picture of it soon.

Pregnancy

2010-05-19T14:19:00.002-06:00

I'm pregnant! We're so excited. I'm about 6 1/2 weeks along now with an estimated due date of January 8, 2010. I have my first appointment and ultrasound on Thursday, June 3. I'll let you all know if anything changes then.

Before becoming pregnant, I thought it might be the best idea to wait to tell people until I was showing. My mind changed as I found out. I want this to be a positive experience. I know something bad could happen, but why dwell on it and make this a negative experience when it could be so wonderful. I want everyone's love and support and positivity. I want to savor every moment of this pregnancy and love being pregnant.

We've already told the boys (since they like to jump on me and climb on me). I think Ross understands there is a baby in my belly this time around. Brad is hoping for a boy and Ross says a girl. I teased them today and said would it be fun if there was a boy and girl in there? Brad's eyes got all big and said, "There are two babies in there?" I laughed and told him probably not. We'll know for sure in about 2 weeks.

Struggling (Long Vent)

2010-04-26T11:46:00.004-06:00

I have good days and bad days since we lost Ava. There is something that is said or happens that sets me off into a bad day. Yesterday was one of those bad days...

I'll start off by saying, Sundays seem to be the worst days in general. The spirit is so much stronger on those days, so I'm convinced Satan is working on me overtime. During sacrament meeting, Brad turns to me and says something to the effect of "I don't want a pretend Ava. I want the real Ava." (We have discussed with Brad that someday he might have another baby sister. She would be different than Ava.) That set off my bad day.

Here is how a typical bad day goes. I am reminded of the loss of my daughter, and how I had no control over it. I then makes me aware of everything else I have no control over. For example, we haven't had someone buy our house yet, I haven't gotten pregnant again (as my body/cycles haven't returned to normal (even my body is out of control!)), I truly have no control over my children, our primary children, or anyone else for that matter, I have gained a few pounds and feel fat and ugly and that my eating is out of control, etc...

I have been trying to resolve these issues on my own, but with no success. I feel I have diligently prayed every night, but with little response. Sometimes I feel like I am begging and screaming for help from Heavenly Father, but it seems like I am just screaming at a wall sometimes. After bottling everything inside, last night as Ben and I were laying in bed, I shared all of my out of control feelings and feelings on my prayers with Ben. As again I am sobbing out of control, I thought he had fallen asleep. As I am thinking in my mind, why isn't he talking to me, the thought came to my mind that I needed to have faith. Not 2 seconds later, Ben says, "Maybe you just need to have a little more faith." It's not what I wanted to hear. Why can't everything that I want and need just be given to me? Because this life is a test. It wouldn't be called a test if everything I wanted and needed was given to me a silver platter. I need to have more faith that my needs will be fulfilled. Who knows what is better for me, my Heavenly Father with his vast eternal knowledge, experience, wisdom, etc..., or me with the limited knowledge I have? I need to trust in him. Easier said than done.

I can't help but think maybe some professional help may be in order. But what? Happy pills? Counseling with a professional or the bishop? Maybe things will get better after going to the temple and having some time to really ponder things out. I don't know.

Our Temple Sealing - Ava Update

2010-04-12T15:18:00.002-06:00

Ben talked with the counselor in our bishopric again. The counselor said that he spoke with someone at the temple. He/She said that since I knew she lived for a short while, we could have her sealed to us. YAY!!! I'm so excited! Ben's mother is going to sit in as proxy for her. That was the best news I could have ever asked for this past weekend!

Funny Sleeping

2010-04-05T16:34:00.001-06:00

I'll share the details of Easter when I get the pics uploaded from Ben's computer, but we'll say after an eventful Easter, this is how Ross fell asleep in his bed.

Retouched Photos of Ava

2010-04-05T16:31:00.001-06:00

I was directed to a website that will retouch 2 photos of your stillborn child for free. I figured it couldn't hurt anything to try it. Here are the pictures that were retouched. You can compare the one to the picture on the side of my blog.

Picutres from Grandma Cheever's Viewing and Funeral

2010-04-05T16:14:00.009-06:00

Here are a few pictures from Grandma Cheever's viewing and funeral.

Me and Ben

Me

Ben and Chris (with Chris creepy-look)

Ben and Chris

Ben and Nate

Ben and Brian

Ben and Tony

Ben's Aunts and Uncles

Paul Bearers

Aunts and Uncles at gravesite

Boys putting flowers on casket

Boys with flowers

Temple Sealing

2010-04-01T09:10:00.001-06:00

Probably the most exciting news ever (or at least for awhile), we are getting sealed as a family in the Salt Lake City temple Saturday, May 29, 2010. Ben and I will be taking out our endowments at 9am and then will get sealed with the boys at 11am. It makes me so happy that I'm crying right now. It will be an amazing experience to see them in white and come into the room with us. Brad thinks we are all getting married. It is hard to explain the difference between marriage and sealing to a four-year-old. I think he is really excited too. Since the sealing room we got only accomodates 45 guests, we will likely be having a reception afterwards at either our home of the church house where people can come to celebrate with us.

I'm not sure if I posted about this before or not. I desperately tried to get the hospital and my doctor's office to change Ava's birth from a stillbirth to a live birth and then death. However, each refused. When my home teacher (also a counselor in the bishopric) asked who would be sitting in proxy for her, I told him the situation. He and the other counselor in the bishopric are seeing what they can do for us. Brother Hulet knows the hospital administrator and is trying to get him/her to change it. Brother Helvey is looking through every manual and source he has to see what can be done. It is nice that they are working to help us with this. Ben and I know that even if the stillbrith status stands, we will get to see her and raise her again in heaven. She will always be ours, but wouldn't it be nice to have it documented also. I'll keep you updated with how things turn out.

Ava's Marker

2010-04-01T09:06:00.002-06:00

I never thought I would say something like this, but I am really excited that I finally ordered Ava's marker. It is going to be really cute. I had them do kind of an original design with a girl angel sitting on a cloud with a basket full of hearts next to her, which she is tossing the hearts over the side. The stone is really pretty too. They call it rainbow granite (I think). It has kind of a dark blackish background with kind of streaks of pink. It will say, "Our little angel Ava Marie Cheever January 13, 2010" It should be in by Memorial Day. I'll be posting a picture of it as soon as it is placed.

Grandma Cheever

2010-04-01T08:51:00.003-06:00

Ben's Grandma Maureen Cheever passed away recently. She was truly an amazing woman. From the day I entered the family through marriage, she treated me like I was one of her own grandkids. I considered her my own grandma. She was so kind and generous. I loved her and miss her deeply. After she passed, I had this overwhelming feeling that she was in heaven with her husband and my daughter and was radiating happiness. She told me not to worry. She was happy and everything was fine. She said she was helping to take care of Ava. I felt so comforted knowing all that.

Her funeral was wonderful. There were so many great stories, and it was nice to remember the amazing person she was. It was great to be around Ben's family, too. They all reminded me of Maureen, so loving and caring. It may be hard to believe, but I actually love spending time with my entire in-law family. I am so thankful that I have the chance to be apart of such a wonderful family and experience.

During the funeral, people mentioned how we should take something from her and this experience. I wondered to myself how I could be more like her. One thing that came to mind was the cards she sent to all the kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. It was so nice to always be getting something from her, just reminding you that she was thinking of you. I decided I should be more like that. I realized that I don't do enough for my brother, sister, nieces, nephews, etc... We are not rich by any means, but what could it hurt to send them all a birthday card wishing them a happy birthday and letting them know I am thinking of them? Ben's cousin Angela mentioned how her kids just want something to fall out of the card, whether it be $5 or a few stickers or rub-on tattooes. What a great idea for my younger nieces and nephews, which doesn't cost much money. So, I decided I will start with that and see how things go. It is a start, right?

(I have some nice photos from the funeral I hope to have posted this week.)

Visit with the Perinatologist

2010-03-16T14:17:00.002-06:00

I am so glad I went and got a second opinion surrounding my last pregnancy. I had bleed from 5 weeks to about 13 weeks of pregnancy. Then I went into sudden labor at 20 weeks. She said the bleeding was from a placental abnormality. She said something happened so that it didn’t adhere right to my uterine wall. Therefore, there was blood behind it which caused the extensive bleeding. The bleeding irritated my uterus A LOT. Common outcomes of this placental abnormality: PROM, Preterm Labor, and Fetal Demise (she used a different word for the latter). She also spoke of the uterine infection and said I was really lucky my body decided to get rid of the infection on my own (by flushing out everything in my uterus). She said if the doctors had been able to detect my infection, I would have been forced to make the decision to terminate my pregnancy (which would be the most difficult decision EVER). If it had gone undetected for awhile, she says the infection could have gotten in my blood stream and eventually killed me. So in a way, I was lucky.

As for everything that happened, she says it was all a fluke. She whole-heartedly believes my next pregnancy will be normal and full-term. My OB had recommended getting a cerclage and having progesterone shots. The Perinatologist said she would definitely not recommend the cerclage unless ultrasounds in a subsequent pregnancy proved my cervix was shortening. As for the shots, she said I could have them if I wanted, but not only are they not approved by the FDA, there is no proof that they necessarily work. In the end, her final recommendation was to watch me very closely from 16 weeks to 24 weeks with bi-weekly ultrasounds. If something were to happen regarding my cervix shortening or effacing, then they would take action then. I asked her about the bleeding and if there was anything that could be done to stop it in the last pregnancy or if it were to happen again. She said there wasn’t anything anyone could have done. It just had to run its course. Overall, I feel like confusion surrounding Ava’s death has been resolved. The doctor did say there is a 10% chance of this happening again (with the same end result). If that did happen, she suggested having the baby tested for chromosomal defects. However, she is so confident that the next pregnancy will be happy and healthy.

Winter Palooza

2010-02-17T12:50:00.004-07:00

My friend Betsy invited me to go with her to Winter Palooza at the Expo Center in Sandy with her a couple weekends ago. It was a lot of fun. They had all kinds of bouncy houses, huge blow up slides, a real helicopter, crafty stuff, games, balloon animals, candy, etc... It was good to get out of the house with one of my girlfriends and just talk and have fun and let the kids have fun too. She came to Ava's funeral, but other then that I haven't seen her in like 9 months. It was so awesome to catch up with her.

Here are Brad and Ross in the helicopter:

Ross on the swingset:

Brad and Trisha (Betsy's daughter) on the teeter totter:

Brad playing a Lacrosse game:

Thanks for a great day out, chica!

Family Visit

2010-02-17T12:34:00.006-07:00

It was great to have my sister and brother-in-law and my parents here for a little while during the week of Ava's funeral. Although we were all heartbroken, we did manage to have a little fun. Ben and I went out to dinner with my sister and her husband. It was good to get away from things for a little bit and just enjoy life. My parents took the boys to McDonalds a few times in that week, which they loved. Brad's favorite part was probably the swimming. Ross liked it for a short time. Then he wanted to sit on Grandma's lap and eat Pringles.

Brad always wanted to sit by my parents. At night, my parents would usually be exhausted and fall asleep before the kids.

I love my family and wished I could see them more often. They were such a huge help during that week. They watched the boys while we made funeral preparations, helped with laundry and cleaning, and most of all to help us through this emotionally. Thank you all!

Ava's Funeral

2010-02-17T12:14:00.010-07:00

We had a beautiful service for Ava on January 18, 2010. The Saturday before the service my parents, Ben and I went to the mortuary to dress Ava and have a few minutes with her. It was so emotional and sad.

I was practicing my violin in preparation for the service on Monday. Ross decided to help accompany me. He played the keys and was singing "Jingle Bells" as I was practicing church hymns. It was really cute and made everyone smile.

At the service on Monday, we displayed everything we had of hers (the dress she wore after being born, the blankets she was wrapped in, hand and feet prints, ultrasound pics, a few pictures of her, and a special scrapbook I made for her with pictures and places where people could write special messages in). Brad wanted to see her and just cried and cried when he did. I couldn’t refuse him the right to say goodbye to her.

So many family members, friends, and ward members were able to come support us. Our nieces performed a duet of "I am a Child of God" which was beautiful. I played "I Need Thee Every Hour" on my violin accompanied by my sister. Our bishop spoke about eternal families which was very touching. A counselor in the bishopric also spoke about the night Ava was born and had some great things to say.

Next we went to the gravesite. My father dedicated the grave. It was emotional and touching. Ava would be buried on top of her great grandfather’s casket. However, it was Human Rights Day, so the cemetery workers weren’t burying her that day. We would have to return the following day to see her buried. We went to leave and Brad tugs on my shirt. He has a desperate look on his face and then looks at Ava’s casket and points at it over and over. He says, “Mommy, we need to take that with us.” I told him, “We will be taking it back to the funeral home today, but tomorrow it will stay here for forever.” He seemed a little confused, but was happy when we put Ava back in the car with us.

The following day we returned to the cemetery. We had a little family prayer, and then Ben placed her casket in the grave. It was so very sad and final. I had bought some white and pink balloons that we could let off. I told Brad they would fly up to heaven so Ava could play with them. Brad loved letting them off. Most of them faded off behind some trees fairly quickly. But there was one pink one that got really high and just kept going. We saw it for several minutes.

(Below is one of the most touching pictures I think.)

A Look on the Positive Side

2010-02-17T11:39:00.002-07:00

This is work in process, but I wanted to write down my feelings of the positive results from the loss of our daughter.

Positive things from this experience:

1. Greater faith and knowledge – First, I have to say without my faith and knowledge of Heavenly Father’s plan, I don’t know how I would have made it through this experience. To know without a doubt that I will get to see my darling daughter again and to raise her in heaven is such a tremendous comfort. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and had a reason for taking my daughter back so quickly to heaven. She is a special spirit that was spared the trials of this earthly life. I imagine God crying with me as he knew my pain and sorrow. It must have been similar to how he felt as he watched his only Begotten Son die on the cross. It was part of the Plan. I know Ava was welcomed home into loving arms and shouts of joy by our ancestors, family, the Savior, and Heavenly Father. I was never angry at God for not allowing Ava to stay with us. It made me realize that I cannot control everything. God gives and takes away according to His will, not mine own. I thank my Heavenly Father for sending her to us, even if it was just for a short time. She is loved, and we miss her dearly. I have never been closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father as I have at this time. I am thankful for this experience as my faith and testimony have increased.
2. Closer to husband – The sudden birth and death of our daughter has strengthened the love between my husband and me. I am so thankful he was able to spend so much time with me. There is no one I needed more than him during that time. His love, strength and comfort helped bring me through this a better person. I love and appreciate him more now than I probably ever have. Our compassion, understanding and communication between us has been strengthened. Our marriage now is better than it ever has. It reaffirms my strong desire to get sealed together as a family. I want my husband, children, grandchildren, grandparents, etc. to be with me in heaven to spend all eternity together.
3. Increased love for my children – Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved my children. This experience has only strengthened that love and made me appreciate my children for the little miracles they are. I am so blessed to have 2 healthy children. They both bring such sweet spirits into our home. I love being with them and spending time with them. They are such joys!
4. Brought extended family together – I haven’t seen some of my extended family in probably at least a year or so. However, they came together to support us along with many of Ben’s family members, too. The love and support they brought meant so much to us. Family is so important in our lives. Where would I be without my family? My love for them has strengthened and the bonds have become even stronger.
5. Bring comfort to other women – It has been wonderful sharing stories, experiences, pain and sorrow, and happiness with other women and families going through similar experiences. Not only do they listen and give advice, but I do the same. It has helped greatly in my healing and grieving process. How wonderful it is to bring comfort to someone else you know is struggling? It has brought new friends into my life that I am forever grateful for.
6. Compassion and understanding – I find myself more compassionate and understanding about all things, not just someone experiencing a similar experience. I hate seeing other people in pain and experiencing sorrow. I want to help in any way that I can. It makes me feel better, and I have become a better person for it.

With great sorrow, comes great love. Just as I thought my pain and sorrow couldn’t be any worse, great love came over me. I never thought I could be so loved and love another so much in such a short period of time. As time passes, my memory and the freshness of the moment fades. However, that love does not.

A Beautiful Poem

2010-02-16T10:03:00.001-07:00

Someone going through a similar experience shared this sweet poem with me. I wanted to post it on here, so that I would never forget it and could read it often:

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But, God, can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies;
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

- Author Unknown

Pictures of Ava

2010-01-27T09:20:00.006-07:00

Here our pictures of our precious little girl. I forgot to say in the last post that she was born at 10 oz. and 9.5 inches long. Included below are some of my favorite pics of Ava. I tried not to include ones people might think are scary. This is Brad's favorite picture of her. He says it looks like she is saying her bedtime prayers. We currently have this one framed and sitting on the piano. Brad came in last night as we were putting Ross to bed, and said with sad eyes, "I was looking at the picture." It was so cute.

I love looking at these pictures of her. I'm so glad we had the strength to take these. We also made a beautiful scrapbook for her that we had people sign at the funeral. Such a precious girl!

Ava's Birth Story

2010-01-25T13:39:00.005-07:00

Below is the story of how I went into labor and the details of Ava's birth. It may or may not be something you want to read, but I wanted it as part of this online journal. Also, I'm hoping to have some pictures of her posted in the next week. Again, another heads up in case you don't want to see.

I lost my mucus plug (not realizing it) the night of Jan. 11. I had what I thought was cramping or Braxton Hicks starting the next morning getting worse throughout the day. I called the nurse, who said if I wasn't bleeding I should be fine. I went in for my 20 week ultrasound that night. The technician said "your cervix is really thin." I told him about the cramping/contractions. He immediately sent me to L&D at the hospital. I was already 1.5 cm dialated and 80% effaced. They gave me medicine to stop the contractions. It did nothing. The 2 counselors in the bishopric came to give me a blessing. Things got better for a brief moment, but then labor got worse. The doctor said the baby would be delivered tonight, and I was crushed. Ben, who had quickly gone home to retrieve something, was not with me. I called him and said I had bad news, and he better get back here fast! He was back shortly and helped me through all the contractions and natural labor (I progressed too fast to get the epidural). The nurse asked Ben and I if we wanted to see the baby after it was delivered. We both looked at each other and said we didn't know.

So within a couple hours of finding out we were having a girl, I gave birth to her at 12:25am on January 13, 2010 (It was also my birthday). The nurse asked again if I wanted to see her and this time I said yes. They placed her on my chest, and she was beautiful. We called the counselors in the bishopric again to come to the hospital to bless the baby and give her a name. In the meantime, with the help of a volunteer at the hospital, Ben helped dress the baby in a very cute pink dress, multi-colored bracelet and white bow for her hairless head. Then someone at the hospital asked us if we had picked a name. I turned to Ben and blurted, "Ava Marie". We had picked out the name Ava months before, but had never decided on a middle name. He agreed. The counselors arrived shortly thereafter. Brother Helvey told us he walked in the room and immediately his focus was Ben. Ben was standing by my bed holding Ava. Brother Helvey said he looked at Ben and said his face just radiated love. He had never seen anything like that before and would remember it the rest of his life. They spoke with us for a few minutes and left. The volunteer from the hospital wanted to take picures of us and the baby. Again, we had been unsure if we wanted to do this, but she convinced us (and boy are we thankful she did!) She was a perfect baby with all her fingers, toes, etc.. and lived for about 30 minutes. It was heartbreaking to watch her die in our arms and see the hospital do nothing since she was not 23 weeks yet.

I wanted to hold Ava so bad, but I was writhing in pain as my placenta refused to detach from my uterus. They were giving me Pitocin to try to help it along, so I was essentially in one major contraction. It didn't do anything, and I kept bleeding and was in tremendous pain. After 2 hours of this, they decided to do a D&C. They put me under general anesthesia and performed the surgery. I remember coming to about 4:30am in a new room with Ben and Ava. I was too tired to do anything and tried to sleep for a few hours (with nurses coming in to bug me for temp. checks and blood pressure monitoring, etc...) I couldn't sleep anymore after about 8am. Even though Ava had passed, it was nice having her in the room with us. It was reassuring in a way. I did finally get to hold her though, without being in so much pain. I enjoyed every second of that. It was even more heartbreaking when someone from the mortuary came and took her out of my room that evening.

We miss her so much and are so thankful we were able to have her even if it was for just a short time. For I know, that I will get to see her again in heaven one day.

Reason for her early delivery: I spiked a fever very quickly after she was born. My doctor said I had a uterine infection which is why everything happened so quickly and nothing could be done to stop it.

Sad news unfortunately :'-(

2010-01-14T12:01:00.002-07:00

Yesterday my wife Becky had some complications in her pregnancy and gave birth to our daughter yesterday. Sadly our baby girl, Ava Marie didn't live. My poor wife it was her birthday yesterday also :'-(

Baby Bump Pics

2010-01-05T10:01:00.003-07:00

I realize I haven't been good about posting pics of my baby bump. Here are few recent ones.

As a reminder, this was me at about 10 weeks:

Here is me at 17 weeks:

Hers is me at 19 weeks:

I have been feeling the baby kick throughout the day on a daily basis. It is so reassuring after the problems I had early on. We find out in 1 week from today what the baby is (assuming he/she will cooperate). I'll post as soon as we know!

Christmas Season

2010-01-05T09:28:00.009-07:00

So this is going to be one enormous post. We had a fairly exciting Christmas season. It was our first year ever making agingerbread house. We bought a kit from Wal-mart. Brad was so excited to make it. Well, we had fun putting it together, but it in no way looked beautiful. The frosting they provided was too runny. Eventhough we followed the instructions and let the house sit before decorating, it still fell apart shortly after taking the pictures.

We had a ward Christmas party this month. The kids were so excited, because Santa was going to visit the party. Since we had never been to this activity before, we assumed the kids would get to sit on Santa's lap (which I promised them they could do). When Santa walked in the room Brad's eyes lit up and Ross said in his sweet little wonder-filled voice, "Santa". Well, Santa gathered the kids and then talked about what Christmas means and then left. Brad was devestated! He was crying, so I told him how Santa would be at the mall later that day, and we could go sit on his lap then. Well, this being the weekend before Christmas, the mall was insane. We must have parked in the farthest spot away from the mall on the opposite side of the mall we needed to be at. Nothing wrong with a little exercise. Then we waited in line for about an hour. The kids were so excited. Well, Ross didn't want to sit on Santa's lap. He was content just looking at Santa. Brad loved sitting on Santa's lap. Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Brad says, "Everything." Santa says, "Even dolls and barbies?" Brad, amazed by this whole experience just says, "Yes." We all laughed.

On Christmas Eve Eve we went to a party at one of Ben's relative's houses. We had a potluck kind of dinner. There was a lot of singing, a few talents, mingling, and more and more eating! hehe It was fun.

On Christmas Eve we let the boys open one present....Pjs of course.

They wanted to wear their Handy Manny Pjs right away. So we put them on and then headed to the Grandparents' houses. First we headed over to Georege and Susan's. We ate dinner then opened gifts. It was a good time. Then we headed over to Doug and Brenda's. Opened gifts and mingled. Then it was back home to prepare for Santa Claus. We got home at 11pm. By the time we got the boys in bed and prepared for Santa it was 1am. Ugh. Too late for a tired pregnant lady!

The boys slept until about 8:30am. Then we had a special breakfast I made (monkey bread, just like my mom makes). It was delicious. And YES we tortured the boys with eating breakfast first and staring at all the gifts. Here are a few pics from that day. We were so blessed by all the many gifts Santa brought us, along with gifts from all our family members. For dinner, I made a big ham dinner. It was delicious. Here is a short list of some of the things we received: Toys, Toys, and more toys, clothes, movies, Wii games, tons of kitchen stuff (YAY!), books, and lots and lots of other stuff. We hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas and wished we could have seen more of you!

This was just a cute pic of Ross multi-tasking. He is chilling out, playing Wii, and drinking his juice. Love it!

November and December Updates

2009-12-11T09:11:00.006-07:00

We've had a lot of snow lately, which the kids really love. Here are some pics of the boys sledding with Daddy. These pics were from a snow storm a few weeks ago. They didn't want to come in, of course. Our property is perfect for sledding with the boys. Since we live on the hill, our property is slopped. Not super steep, so perfect for them now.

We also bought the boys new beds, as they are sharing a room now. The only way we could get Brad to move into Ross's room was to buy him a new bed (which he needed anyway). We bought Ross a new toddler bed. He was been doing so well sleeping in his bed and not getting out. He got out once last night and the night before, but once we brought him back to his room, he stayed in bed. I think he loves the freedom of not being caged in his bed anymore. After this change has settled in, the next thing will be potty training! WOOHOO!

We also made gingerbread men cookies. Brad LOVES helping me cook. He helped me make the dough and cut them out. Then we all decorated them once they were done. They were really yummy!

I stopped bleeding (FINALLY!) about 2 weeks ago. We went and listened to the baby's heart beat last week, and everything appears to be fine. I can resume normal activities in a week. I'm dying to go back to my exercise class. On December 28, I have my next doctor appointment and they will also do a glucose test. I told the doctor, I think they missed the gestational diabetes last time with Ross. So he wants to do a glucose test at 18 weeks, and then again at 26 if the 18 week test comes back negative. I hope I don't have gestational diabetes, but at least I could take care of it immediately, and maybe not have an 11 pound baby.

We have decorated inside the house for Christmas, but not outside. It's just too cold, and now way too much snow. Ross has only broken 2 ornaments, and the tree has only been pulled down once. I guess that is pretty good. We are all pretty exited for Christmas. We are going to our ward party tomorrow and Santa will be there. If you ask Brad what he wants for Christmas, he'll tell you "everything." So I guess he'll be happy no matter what Santa brings him.

Finally, Brad wanted to take a picture with him and the baby.

The Sweet Prayers of Children

2009-11-07T22:25:00.002-07:00

Brad wanted to say the prayer at dinner time all by himself. Here is roughly how it went:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thankful for this day. Please help Ross to feel better. Please bless Mommy that the baby will come out and not cry in my room. Thankful for this food. Please hope that we can fix the DVD player, so the tape will come out, but the cord doesn't fit, so it doesn't work. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

There were a few more ramblings during this. It was so cute. I was chuckling at parts as was Ben. It was so freaking cute!

Baby Bump

2009-11-05T18:55:00.003-07:00

So the big news is that I'm pregnant! I'm somewhere between 10 and 11 weeks along. I'm due the end of May or beginning of June. They will give me an exact due date at my 20 week ultrasound. We haven't been telling many people yet, since I had some problems about 4 weeks ago. I was gushing blood and went to the ER. They did an ultrasound and saw the baby's heart beat and said it was a subchorionic hemmorage in the placenta. I was told to "take it easy" which just meant don't do anything out of the ordinary. Well I've still been bleeding since then, just not as bad. I went to the OB doctor today for my first visit with him. They did another ultrasound. Our little baby was kicking and flailing and his/her heart was beating. All great signs. He said he could see where the bleeding was and it was outside of the baby's sac. Although there is a 10% chance I could still miscarry due to this bleeding, he thought everything would be ok. I've had a blessing from someone in my ward and am at peace about the whole thing. I really think things will be just fine, but just in case it couldn't hurt to say a few prayers right? hehe Here is a pic of my 10 week baby bump. And yes I do realize that I am freaking huge for 10 weeks (please see other stupid questions below).

And just because people like to ask dumb questions, here are some dumb answers:

Q: Was this planned?
A: Yes

Q: Don't you know how babies are made?
A: Duh!

Q: Are you hoping for a girl?
A: Of Course, but we would still love a boy and not be disappointed if it was a boy.

Q: Are you going to have anymore?
A: Don't know yet.

If you would like any other stupid questions answered, just let me know!

Halloween Week

2009-11-04T09:35:00.005-07:00

The Saturday before Halloween the kids dressed up in their costumes, and we went to Grandpa Doug's and Grandma Brenda's house for their annual chili party. The kids had fun showing off their costumes, although pretty much everything was taken off within 30 minutes. They played toys and puzzles, and we visited.

On the Friday before Halloween, we went to Ben's work for a Trick or Treat in the office. The kids dressed up in their costumes again. Brad literally had a pumpkin full of candy, as did Ross. The kids loved it. I liked it too. I have never been inside Ben's work before. I had met a few of his coworkers from a work party they had during the summer, but it was fun to see them again. And just about everyone in the office was dressed up. It was really cool!

Then came Halloween. We had a fun filled day. We carved and colored pumpkins. Ross colored on the pumpkins. Brad drew the shapes for the pumpkin face and Ben and I carved them out.

Then we went over to Great Grandma Cheever's house to see the family for a few minutes. She is moving to Sandy, so we won't get to see her much. Then it was back to the house for caramel apples. We let the kids decorate them with candy corn and M&M's. Those things were loaded with candy. They boys loved it!

As those chilled in the fridge, we got ready to go Trick or Treating. The ward does a Trunk or Treat, but not at the church house. They do it up and down a few streets around the neighborhood. I sat with my VT at her house and passed out candy, while Ben took the boys around. Once again they each got a pumpkin full of candy. When all was said and done, we had a Walmart sack completely full of candy! After the Trunk of Treat, the ward was having a party at the church. We headed over there by the lure of games, donuts and hot chocolate and cider. Well the drinks were BOILING hot so the kids couldn't have any. I wasn't about to hold 3 cups with boiling hot liquid on my lap. We all know that would have ended up spilled all over me. Well, we had donuts which weren't very good. Then came the games. Well, it took like 15 minutes to line up the participants (who all signed up by the way). The games were very slow moving and not very interesting, so we left. Brad wanted to do some door to door trick or treating, and Ross was tired and crabby. So we went home and I passed out candy to a few straggling trick or treaters while Ben and Brad went out for a few minutes. We all had WAY to much candy this weekend. But what am I going to do with all that candy???

Pictures of Crafts

2009-11-04T09:29:00.003-07:00

Here are the crafts I have done lately. These are some cards, bookmark, and calendar that I made at Robert's Crafts.

This is an embroidery craft kit I've been working on. Here is where I am at, and what it should look like when I'm done.

The kit even came with the frame and everything. It's a slow process for me. I feel like I never have much time working full-time and being a mom. Sometimes I just need to do something to free my mind.

Crafting, scrapbooking, cooking...I'm such a homemaker!

2009-10-07T13:21:00.002-06:00

Since Ben has starting working at Provo Craft, there is a constant influx of scrapbooking supplies. At first, I didn't know what to do with them, so I just put them off to the side and wondered who I could give them to. I should explain that I have never scrapbooked or really been into doing crafts. I also get a very good discount on crafts. As I started going through the craft website (creativexpress.com), I suddenly felt the urge to start making crafts and scrapbooking. We'll see how that goes. I bought a few scrapbooking things off the website. I just need to sit and find the time to do it. I also bought some craft kits. I started on one of the kits which requires doing a little emboidering. So far, so good. I have also been attending some crafting parties at Roberts Crafts where they let you make some decorative cards and such for free. So I have about 5 cute crafty cards and 1 bookmark that I made. It was actually really fun. Maybe I'll take some pics of them. I thought they would be perfect to go with a little gift for some of my neighbors.
I have also been cooking a lot more lately. I go in these phases of cooking lots of different things and then not wanting to make much so we rotate through spaghetti and burritos a lot. If you haven't been around me lately, you know that everything we eat is healthy now. So I have been making tons of healthy recipes. I rarely eat red meat now. We eat a lot of chicken and a little turkey or ground turkey. However, I make a lot of recipes that are meatless. The other day I made a very yummy mexican pizza. Ben looks at it after it came out of the oven and says, "I bet that is meatless, huh?" It kinda made me laugh. Some of the recipes are keepers, and others I don't think I'll make again. Sometimes I attempt to make substitutions in recipes either because I don't have that specific ingredient or because I'm trying to make it healthier. Some turn out ok, others don't. I made this healthy Zucchini Apricot bread (with even more healthy substitutions). It is the best zucchini bread I have ever eaten in my life. There seems to be this strange misconception that eating healthy means things don't taste good or are bland. WRONG!! We eat a lot of flavorful and yummy things that are healthy, even some things the kids will eat.

Thankful

2009-09-28T08:21:00.002-06:00

I was just pondering how thankful I am for my family. I was looking at a picture of the boys and was overwhelmed by how much I love them and am so very thankful I have the opportunity to be their mother. Kids are so wonderful and amazing. Sometimes it is hard to remember when they are being little terrors, but those touching moments, funny and crazy moments, and loving moments make it all worthwhile. They are such precious little angels. You can see why God has a special place in his heart for little children. They hold a special place in my heart also. It makes me sad to think of them as all grown up. They are so sweet and precious now. It amazes me how you can punish them and discipline them, but they still come crying to you right after for hugs and kisses. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

As for Ben, he holds a special place in my heart also. He helps hold this family together. I don't know how single moms do it. Sometimes I wonder how I make it through Fridays on my own. hehe ;) He will listen when I need him to, help when I ask him to, and always offers that unconditional love. He is a great father and husband. I couldn't imagine life without him. I love him dearly and hope to someday spend eternity with him and all our children.

Blogging, or Lack Thereof

2009-09-15T09:39:00.002-06:00

I really do mean to blog once a week. For some reason or another, it just never happens that way. Suddenly a month and a half has passed. I need to try to be better. The next couple posts I decided to break up so it wouldn't be one enormous post. Enjoy!

Ross's Birthday

2009-09-15T09:11:00.005-06:00

Ross turned 2 on Sept. 12. I can hardly believe my baby is 2 already. He's such a big boy! He's shown interest in going on the potty. He actually pooped in the potty a couple weeks ago. Yes! He talks often. You can tell he loves his brother, but they have already started fighting over toys, tv shows, who gets to sit on Mom's lap, etc... He is a wonderful joy in our lives!

We had cake and ice cream for him on Friday, because on Saturday we were going to the neighbor girls birthday party. I didn't think the boys needed cake twice in one day. Then on Saturday, we went to the party next door. The boys really liked it. I have to say, it is really hard picking out gifts for little girls when you don't have one. I'm never sure at what age they really start playing Barbies, Littlest Pet Shop, Polly Pockets, etc... Hopefully she liked what we got her. Then after that, we went right to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate Ross's birthday. The boys played lots of games and got a few prizes. You can really never go wrong with Chuck E. Cheese.

When we got home, we opened Ross's gifts. We bought him a Thomas sheet set for his crib, which included a new comforter blanket. One of his current blankies was falling apart and needs to be thrown away, which is so sad for Ross. He still hasn't grown to love the Thomas blanket, but he still has his Pooh blankie. He also got a Thomas wall border (the stick-up kind that removes like a sticker). He got a matchbox car, a Handy Manny tool belt, a trike, and a carseat. The trike and part of the carseat were courtesy of Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Brian. What wonderful grandparents the kids have! I think his favorites were the carseat and trike. The carseat is more of a big kid carseat, and we know how 2-year-olds think they are big kids. He really likes it. The trike he adores. It has a push handle for an adult that actually steers the trike too. It has a bar around the seat (which you can snap out when they get bigger) so he can't fall off (and keeps him seated instead of getting off and on a hundred times). It has a belt, which is also removable for when they are older.

So of course we had to go to the park immediately. Plus, Brad needs more practice on his bike. Our house is on a hill, so he can't ride it without help on our street. However, the walking trail is flat. Brad did awesome. He kept saying, "Look, Mom! I'm doing it all by myself." It is a joyous and sad moment when you realize your kids are growing up. Part of me wants him to always need me. I guess in reality he will always need me for something. Anyway, back to Ross. He loved being pushed in the trike. It is so easy to push and steer. I know it was a little pricey, but I would recommend this trike to everyone for a first trike. It is AWESOME!

Here are some pics from the park:

This is Brad's silly face:

This is an airplane that rocks back and forth. Ross is terrified as Brad rocks it fast:

A Day at the Zoo

2009-09-15T08:59:00.003-06:00

As a fun family activity for the summer, we decided to go to Utah's Hogle Zoo. I wasn't sure how the kids would do. It's a lot of walking, and you never know how they will handle that. We loaded up the car with lots of juice, water and snacks and headed up to SLC. Well, the kids were great! Ben and I had a lot of fun too. Ross loved the monkeys. He would just laugh and laugh everytime one of them moved. Brad loved the Zebras and Giraffes. We were a little bummed that the train that goes around the park wasn't running that day. And of course I had promised Brad we would ride on it. Oh, well. What is life without disappointments, right? They did have a carousel, which hopefully made up for that. Here are pictures from our wonderful day at the zoo!

Our Adventures

2009-08-06T15:14:00.008-06:00

On July 23 we flew out to Chicago to see my parents for about a week. Man, I forgot how much I HATE flying with kids, and my kids were that bad (on the way there at least). After the 3 hour flight and 1 hour delay sitting on the plane while they fixed it, we made it to Chicago. Brad has beyond exicited! We got in late that night, so it was right to bed when we got there. We had just a wonderful week. Ben, my dad, and Brad went and saw the movie "Up" while we were there. This was Brad's second time seeing a movie in the theatre. That was a great movie. I loved the message. We also went to a petting zoo near my parents house. Brad wanted to feed the llama just like on Special Agent Oso. However, when we got there, you weren't allowed to feed the animals. Brad loved the llamas and Ross loved the ducks.

Ben and I went with my dad and saw the Blue Man Group perform at a theatre in Chicago. Wow, that was AWESOME!!! We just loved it. I would love to go again sometime, if we ever got the chance. This is a pic of Ben and I at the theatre.

They also had this great McDonalds near my parents house that had a Play Place and video games in the play place. Once my kids saw the video games, it was like the rest of the play place didn't exist.

My mom bought a bunch of water toys for the boys to play with. Here they are playing on a Slip N Slide and a picture of Ben and I nice and dry on the sidelines.

My mom also baked some chocolate chip cookies on sticks. Here is my mom and sister helping Brad decorate his cookie.

The boys played a lot outside. My mom put some sand in a flower pot and Brad loved playing with that. Ross loved playing in the puddle on the driveway. And they both loved the remote control car.

Another highlight from the trip was a diner that had a toy train deliver your food. That never got old for the boys. We sat at the counter so the train went right in front of us every few minutes.

Here are the boys cleaning up and vacuuming at my mom's house. This is like their favorite thing to do.

Here are a few random pics from the trip.

It was a wonderful trip. It was so good to see my parents and my sister and her husband. It was really one of the best vacations Ben and I have been on since we've been married.

We got back on July 29. Then on July 31 we headed down to Capital Reef for Ben's family reunion. We got lost a couple times (thanks a lot Google Map), but made finally made it there after about 4 hours of driving. We tried making the car trip exciting. Here we are pretending the rolling hills were rollercoasters and one of the boys being good.

On Saturday at the reunion, we had a big family breakfast, followed by 2 trips to the swimming pool, and a gathering at a park. One of the relatives brought in a few of those inflatable toys (one a giant slide the other an obstacle course). The boys loved them. Here is a pic of Ross going down all by himself. He looks terrified, but he really loved it.

We had a big scare while we were there. After being there for a few hours I took Ross up to the top of the slide so he could go down. Well, I didn't know, but the generator had run out of gas, so the slide was deflating. The guy said, "Get off quick!" Well we were sinking and couldn't go back down the stairs. So I am frantically trying to push Ross down the slide, but it's deflating under Ross. As this is now deflating more and more and we're sinking, I gave one last effort to get Ross down, I flip over and Ross and I are tumbling down the slide and flipping over each other and landing on each other. It was SOOO freaking scary. We got to the bottom, and I was just a mess. I lost my glasses momentarily. Ross was crying. In the end, we were both fine except I think I may have hurt one of my toes a little bit.

The kids did a little musical program while we were there. It was cute.

These are pictures of Brad and his cousin Chelsea.

It was then off to bed. We left the next morning, and Chelsea came back in the car with us. Now, it is back to the grind of things. Man, that was a great week and a half.

I Can't Believe I Forgot!

2009-07-18T17:03:00.003-06:00

I knew I missed something when I did my last big blog. After reading my friend Rachel's blog, I just now remembered. Ben and I had our 5 year anniversary on July 2. I seriously can't believe I forgot to blog about it. I did remember that day. Our neice came down and watched the boys while we went out for a nice dinner. It was a very low key anniversary, but very nice to get away from the hussle and bussle that is our life. It's been a great 5 years so far. I can't even begin to imagine my life right now without Ben and our amazing two children. I am definitely blessed beyond measure!

Major Update

2009-07-16T08:51:00.006-06:00

So much has gone on in the last month and a half since my last blog. Hopefully I won't forget anything. First, we have done tons of painting. Ross's room was a dark green with an ugly wallpaper border around the top. And when I say wallpaper, I mean wallpaper. Not the sticker-like ones you can take off and on easily. Here is Ross's room after I removed the wallpaper, but before repainting.

We decided to paint Ross's room a really light, light green. You can probably hardly tell from the pictures that it is even green. I figure this would go well for when we decide to have another baby. That way the new baby or the boys could have this room.

We also painted the living room and entry/foyer. The entryway had wallpaper beneath the chair rail. So after getting all of that off, Ben painted. It is the same color as the hallway. Also, my mother-in-law gave me her antique upright grand piano. It was made around 1896, but sounds amazing! Here is a pic of the piano with the new paint. I'm hoping to post more pics of the living room later.

My next project is the master bathroom. They had put up some dark brown wallpaper.

I have finally gotten all the wallpaper off, but they sponge painted the bathroom a dark brown before putting up the wallpaper, so we still need to figure out what we are going to do with that. Otherwise, we still need to paint the kitchen, our bedroom and bathroom and the boys's bathroom. I'm still indecisive about the colors for those.

Ben had his work party this year at a park in Provo. The kids had a blast. They had dinner catered, music and dancing, cotton candy, snow cones, inflatable bouncy houses and slides, and of course crafts for the kids. Here is a pic of Brad and Ross dancing.

When my parents were in town in May, they bought the boys a swimming pool. Here is the pic of the boys swimming. As you can tell, they love it!

Here is a pic from Father's Day at Ben's dad's house. This is Brad and his cousins.

Finally, we had Brad's birthday party last weekend. He turned 4 on July 5. We had a Transformers version of pin the tail on the donkey, water balloons, Transformers pinata, cake and ice cream, and lots of presents. It was so much fun, and Brad and Ross loved playing with all the kids. Of all the gifts, his favorites are probably the sandbox, Transformers bike (with training wheels), and a toy gun that shoots foam darts with suction cups on the ends. He also got a little money from some people and wanted to buy a scooter. We got him a Radio Flyer scooter. It has 2 wheels in front and one in back, so it is a lot more stable than the 2 wheel scooters. He loves it.

My exercise class is going great. I love getting out of the house and gettng my sweat on. We are also leaving soon to go see my parents in Chicago. I am so freaking excited. I'm sure I'll have pics when we get back.

Exercise Class

2009-06-03T17:47:00.002-06:00

Nebo school district has an exercise program they do. They started the summer session on Monday, June 1. I decided to join, not to lose weight necessarily, but to maintain my weight and maybe make some friends in the community. The class goes from 8-9pm Mondays and Wednesdays. Man that was one awesome workout. I think I push myself harder when working out with others. So I have been unbelievably sore the last 2 days, and still am. But you better believe I am going back tonight! On Mondays they do a "Pump" class. Essentially, it is a full body workout with weight resistance and cardio. Tonight is more of a kickboxing kind of class. Ben is wonderful and stays home with the kids and puts them to bed while I go. The class is just about a mile away at Payson High School, so I really am only gone about an hour. He is so wonderful for being ok with me to do this. He is so supportive!

Memorial Weekend

2009-05-26T15:03:00.014-06:00

This was a big weekend for us. My parents were in town, so we made the most of their once or twice a year visit. They flew in late Wednesday night and watched the kids on Thursday while Ben and I worked. From what I remember, there was lots of playing, book reading, and of course McDonalds.

That night we went to Chuck E Cheese for dinner and let the kids play. The kids had a BLAST! Brad was more clam this time than he was last time. We got some really cute pictures from the sketch thing they have there. Maybe I'll try to scan them in and post them someday. On Friday, Ben worked and I didn't. So we made the trek up to the BYU bookstore. My parents so graciously bought the kids even more books and the Book of Mormon and Old Testament scripture picture book kind of things for the kids. They also bought me a few cookbooks. That night, they watched the kids and put them to bed while Ben and I went to a movie. We saw the new Star Trek movie. I loved it, and I think Ben did too. Saturday, we went and saw my Grandmother at her retirement place, because it was her 86th B-day. We had cake, which you might have guessed the kids loved.

Then we went and had lunch with Ben's parents (and mine still too) at Wallaby's. Then we headed to walmart where my parents bought the boys a hard plastic pool (the one that has the slide too). We couldn't fit it in our car, so Ben's dad put it in his truck. Thank you, thank you, Doug! Then Ben's dad and step-mom came over to our house for a little while and chatted. Then we went over to Ben's Grandma's house for dinner with a whole bunch of his family and ours.

Sunday, we went to church for the first time in our new ward. It was tortureous, but good. The rest of the day was a lot more relaxing. Here is a picture of Brad napping with Grandpa Brian:

On to Memorial Day, we left in the morning and went to A Day out with Thomas at the Heber Railroad. As if you couldn't guess the boys were in heaven. They had a bunch of different tents with activities and then a train ride.

Trainsets to play with:

Temporary Tattoos:

Petting Zoo (a Pony and Donkey):

Straw Maze:

Balloon Animals:

We picked a sword for Ross, and Brad picked a flower hat for himself. I didn't know if I should make him pick something else, but I just let it slide.

Ross just learned how to give his cheesiest smile and say cheese.

Pictures with Sir Topham Hatt and Thomas:

Train ride:

Right before we were going to leave Thomas, Brad says to me, "Mommy, I don't ever want to leave. I want to stay here forever and ever." After we got home, Ben trimmed the tree in the back and got 95% of it done. There are now no branches touching the roof shingles anymore, thank goodness. Around bed time the Brad got really sad, because he knew Grandpa and Grandma were leaving in the morning. Throughout their whole trip, and not being prompted to say so, Brad would tell them both that he loved them. It was so cute and just melted your heart. Here are some pictures from storytime last night:

We are so lucky to have my parents for a visit. They spoil the boys and Ben and me so much. We love them dearly and already miss them!

Mother's Day and more

2009-05-10T21:42:00.006-06:00

As promised here are some pics of my new hair cut and a pic of Ross helping to vacuum.

Here is a pic of the boys in their matching pajamas courtesy of Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Brian.

Yesterday Ben and I dug up weeds in the flower beds (left by the previous owners) and filled an entire trash can with them (like the big trash cans you set out at the street for pickup). The neighbors commented that it was nice to have a neighbor who cared about their lawn and yard. I planted all of our vegetable garden and about 40 bulbs. Things are starting to look better. We also have a few huge trees in the backyard that Ben started to prune. They still need more, but they are looking good too.

As for Mother's Day, we went up to Grandma Susan's in the afternoon. Ben had 3 of his brothers there which is a better than normal turnout. We ate, played basketball, jumped on the trampoline and talked. It was a nice afternoon. Here are pics of the day including a new family pic and a pic of Ben's mom and brothers together.

New Room

2009-05-06T08:02:00.004-06:00

A couple weeks ago we bought paint to repaint the house. We bought some light blue for Brad's room and decided to start with his room first. Here are the before and after shots.

Brad just loves it! He tells daddy "thank you" all the time. Our plan is to do one room a weekend. This weekend should be Ross's room. 3 of the 4 walls are painted a dark green. We are going to change it to a pale green. That way if another child comes sometime down the road, it should still work out colorwise.

This past weekend I hung up all the pics and wall hangings up on the walls. It is really starting to feel like home now. I also have almost everything put away in the basement. I still need to do a lot more work on the boys's play area down there, but I'm hoping to finish up the basement this weekend while I watch the boys and Ben paints. Here is a pic of Ross playing with his battery operated Powerwheels. The basement is so big and open that the kids can easily ride that, trikes, or push toys easily. Brad loves the Powerwheels too.

A few other tid bits. AnnaMarie inspired me to cut my hair. It's a short bob. It's a little shorter than what I wanted, but it's a good thing hair grows back. I'll post some pics hopefully in a couple days. I know I have stated many times before that my kids love to clean, but Ross's new thing is helping me vacuum. He holds on while I hold on and helps me push and pull it. It is so cute, even though it takes me 5 times as long to vacuum. I just want to get it done and get it done quick, but I figure it's better to encourage the kids to clean.